Ring a Ring a Roses

I found out recently that Ring a Ring a Roses was not about the plague after all. I was quite disappointed when I discovered that, I thought it was one of those quirky things to know. A little insight to pass on to the kids, when they say to you: "Mummy, how do you know these things?!"

Mum's rings are falling off, because her fingers are shrinking with the weight loss. I think probably malnutrition does for most dementia people more than anything else. Microwave meals don't taste of anything and there is no anticipation before eating. No lovely smells to prompt the appetite. A few of the better carers left our nearest nursing home because they were too distressed by the processed chicken approach to the elderly. Up, dress, wheel them out, wheel them back, undress and into bed. The portions, apparently (or is that, allegedly?) would not keep a sparrow alive. What is the potato profit margin these days?

After I had to take Mum to the dental practice for a wholesale extraction of teeth - she doesn't like brushing either - I have resorted to the mush and mash diet. 101 ways to use avocado, honey and potatoes. But no matter how many notices I post on the notice board, poor Mum still gets served up crisps, cheese cubes and carrot sticks. Sore mouth, can't chew, needs soft food. Duh. "Put out crisps and nibbles but Laura not hungry tonight.."

Thank goodness for the Home Carers who care. The box-tickers - Offered food & drink: tick. Prompted tabs: tick. (Since when did the GP advise: "Tablets to be prompted 4x daily" on a prescription?) Offered toileting: tick (Admittedly,a little more tricky this one!) Three weeks of Home Care care by the book would bring Mum and the other "clients" one step closer to the morgue. The best carers are the ones who break the rules. There's not a lot of wiggle room for an 84-year old, you see.

The tablets thing is maddening. Of course there have to be protocols to protect clients from abuse and carers from accusatory clients (and their families). US-style litigation has a lot to answer for. But which is better? To have a dotty old duck take no tablets for 3 days, then find a load of white pills by the armchair and take the lot on the fourth day: or to have a reasonably competent qualified carer squish tablets in the marmelade, or feed them on a spoon - provided it has been cleared by the GP or the relative/friend who holds PoA/Welfare Guardianship?

I have battled this issue for 3 years. The local Home Care branch says its hands are tied. So I called the Head Honcho, two-three? years ago. Who nodded sympathetically and said that he would talk to his counterpart in the NHS (Never the twain shall meet). Then he would be back in touch. Never heard a sausage. Not a squeak. And in case I sound far too bellicose, I think I'm just trying to fulfill my welfare guardian role to the best of my limited ability. As I understand it, the matter is in the hands of the lawyers who have come up with the peachy idea that every single tablet for every single dotty duck has to be individually wrapped. Oh joy. How exactly are the carers (especially those who don't drive) going to carry that around?

After Mum's engagement ring. Daddy never did buy her anything else much. She got a lovely set of pans though.